Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
