dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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