The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
