Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
