We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
