I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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