Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
