dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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