I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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