it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
