I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
