News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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