dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize