I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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