who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
