I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
