Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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