My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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