you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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