it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
