awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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