Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
