so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
