You made me cry and you don't even care
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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