I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
