does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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