i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
