Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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