Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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