ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
