Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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