i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
