I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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