didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
