you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
