My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
