Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
