someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
