that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
