i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
