i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
