I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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