have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
