So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This house was built for laser tag.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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