I heard we made out
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
