I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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