I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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