I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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