First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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