Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
