tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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