I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize