i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
