Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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