And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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