Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
