When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
