i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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