This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize