I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
