Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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