I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
