The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
