I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think i have two assholes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
