the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
