If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize