the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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