i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
