I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
